just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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