you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
