I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
