the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
