So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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