just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
