just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
