Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
