Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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