i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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