So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
