long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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