If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
