my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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