saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
