Your tits are I can't wait for
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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