I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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