I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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