..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
