Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
