You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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