You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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