im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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