what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
