Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
