i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
