if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
