All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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