Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
