She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You made out with two different species that night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
