I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
