just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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