remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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