found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
