I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
