my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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