I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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