Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
