thus making me awesome and them whores
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
