even my farts smell like vagina
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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