It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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