Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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