This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
This can only be settled by a dance off.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
