You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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