i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
