I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
