the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
