oh god the rape fog is back!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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