mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
