Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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