How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
