Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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